I have this idea in my head that such a time exists, but something in me knows that it probably does not. There will probably never be a time where I am completely certain of what life has in store for me. As much as I hate times of transition and uncertainty, I will probably never be free of them. Plans change, people change and come and go, ideas and interests change. There will always be the starting of a job, the leaving of a job, the striving to be better at a job. The birth, death, drama, and joy of family and friends. The transitioning in and out of various and very necessary stages of life. The tension between who I am and who I want to be.
Comfort is not, and cannot be, a constant in a life of continual learning and growth. Yet to fully experience life, one needs to learn and grow. So how does someone who hates uncertainty and transition so much learn to embrace it simply as a characteristic of living? How do I learn to love being constantly unsettled? Is it possible for me to find beauty in it when it seems that my view of anything has been completely obscured?
But, maybe, being unable to see what is in front of me forces me to slow down and enjoy everything that is around me. Maybe the key to finding stability in a life of constant change is to find that which is constant and beautiful in every single day.
I don't know. I am far from having any answers. I just know that somehow, I need to get used to not being comfortable and stop wishing for some blissful time that will never come. And right now, I really don't feel strong enough for that. Fortunately though, I have strength that is not my own to take over when mine inevitably succumbs to the stress of life.
