WEDDING GENIUS!

Yes, my blog has a new title (I am assuming, probably wrongly, that you even knew what the old title was). I feel a particular kinship with Dave Eggers. I read "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" years ago, when it seemed to be edgy and intelligent and the kind of book that you would only understand if you were the sort of creative, moody, and deep person that I imagined myself to be. I've recently read two more books, and I have come to the conclusion that you really don't need to be all that deep. Or intelligent. Also, Dave and I are basically friends because I volunteer at one of the chapters of his writing center "826". I almost got to meet him the other day, but I was feeling too lazy. True story. But someone who did told me that "he didn't seem as full of himself as he could have been." Interesting.

Well that is all neither here nor there, it just is. I have been intending to post again for a while now, because I have all of this WEDDING knowledge that is just banging around in my head, and no one I really know is getting married soon, so if I don't plop it all down somewhere, than all my hard work will have been for nothing. Okay so not really, but actually yeah.

Therefore, I am going to provide you all with a list of advice that I would give anyone who was getting married, provided they actually asked and trusted my advice. Hopefully some poor soul somewhere will google "WEDDING BLOG" or "WEDDING INSPIRATION" or "BUDGET WEDDINGS" and be directed to this delightful post. And I will change her life.

And now, I present:

THINGS I LEARNED ABOUT WEDDINGS THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW TOO BUT THE KNOT.COM WON'T TELL YOU:

1. It really doesn't matter. Whatever "it" is, trust me, it doesn't matter. At the end of the day you'll still be married. Unless both of your hands get cut off, thereby rendering you unable to sign the marriage certificate... and if that happens, that sucks.

2. If you don't figure it out beforehand, someone will figure it out the day of. Honestly. Don't let that be an excuse not to try to cover your bases, but don't stress too much. People will care enough about you to figure out a solution to any problem.

3. You don't need to buy a special knife/ serving set to cut the cake. I woke up the morning of and realized we had nothing to cut the cake with. We grabbed a knife from the kitchen, and that was that. It didn't matter that the knife was red...

4. If you don't have an appointment to do it during the week before the wedding, it won't be done.

5. If your sister's boyfriend grew up in a family of florists, force him to help you DIY the flowers. Or better yet, have him watch you screwing them up, and then he will HAVE to help you.

6. While we are on the topic, you should DIY your flowers. Seriously. It is not as hard as it seems. Go to a farmer's market (if you have an awesome one near you like I do) or a grocery store (I've heard even Costco has great wholesale flowers) and put the damn bouquets together yourself. We spent less than $150 for 6 bouquets, 9 bouts, centerpieces for 10 tables, and the arrangement for the alter. Have a few friends help, grab some floral tape, floral wire, and pins, and have at it. It really isn't that hard.

7. Things will go wrong the day of. They just will. But the good news is that you won't really see them as things going wrong. You'll be so happy that they will instead be "things that went differently than expected" and you will not care a bit.

8. If you are doing a "first look" sort of thing before the ceremony, have the photographer tell your fiance which way to turn when he sees you. This will prevent you from not having any pictures of his face during that moment :(. Oh well, life goes on.

9. The rehearsal will probably be stressful. But the day itself won't be.

10. EAT! And get someone to snag food for you at the reception.

11. Get all the family pictures done BEFORE the reception. We got really frazzled when we first got to the reception because we had people trying to get us to pose for what seemed like 25 different pictures at the same moment, and we didn't know what to do and just wanted to say hi to our friends.

12. Order more food than you think you will need. Especially if they are cookies. YUM.

Okay that is enough for now. I think my next post will be more specifically about saving money during the wedding process. I have learned a few things about it that I am sure you are DYING to know. And then I will finally be able to move on with my life and think about something other than wedding.

Thanks for stopping by.

Oh, and if you DID google and find and read my blog, leave a comment! I don't think that would ever happen, so if it miraculously does I'd like to know!