unfair, I tell you!

I think of things every day that inspire me to think, "Well, that would make a great blog". Of course I forget them by the time I am sitting in front of my computer at the end of the day, so you never get to experience whatever words of humor and inspiration I have come up with. So just know that somewhere within me is lots of deep wisdom aching to come out... I just tend to forget exactly what that wisdom is.

So here's something that was bothering me the other day. (Isn't that the easy way to start blogs? By ranting about something so ridiculous that no human would ever sit and give you their listening energy to actually hear? Anyway.) So I have just begun the process of applying for grad schools, and part of the application essay is to talk about times when you have struggled with oppression or overcome adversity. I feel like I've faced my share of challenges in my life, as most people have. Problem is, my "adversity" didn't come in the form of someone telling me that I couldn't do something, or growing up significantly lacking in some key element, or having a disease, or struggling with racial or ethnic identity. My struggle has been entirely internal-- and as I've come to find over the past few years, internal struggles, however controlled or in the past they may be, only raise a red flag of "CRAZY!" in many people's minds.

This pisses me off.

The sad truth of the matter is that there is still a HUGE stigma about "mental illness" and all of its relatives. Just because I spent a large part of my childhood struggling with anxiety in a very serious way does not mean that I am incapable of excelling at a job or academic program. Anyone who knows me can testify to my ability to function in society with intelligence, passion, thoughtfulness, and reponsibility. Yet if I mention my past challenges with anxiety, will the nameless entities reviewing my grad school application become concerned about my mental stability and ability to succeed in a stressful environment?

Of course it would be much easier and safer to leave the whole subject out entirely. But they don't understand-- my struggle with such things in my childhood and teenage years helped make me who I am. It is because I understand how difficult and scary it can be to go through something like that and not know where to turn for help that I want to become a social worker. I learned perseverance, my own strength, the kindness of others. I learned how to challenge what I thought were my limitations. I learned to appreciate the issues that other people face. Wouldn't all these things make me a better social worker? But I fear they won't be able to see past the bright red Crazy flag flying all over my application...

Argh. It isn't like the anxiety was my fault. Yet people see "mental illnesses" as a flaw in someone's character, unlike how physical illnesses are viewed. I guess I'll just have to lose my job, sell all my belongings, walk barefoot across Washington and then write about my time spent in nature with nothing but physical pain to keep me company, just to prove that I'll be a good social worker.